Best Served With: Neu Roses (Transgressor’s Song) by Daniel Caesar.
Nights like this I hate.
Nights when my bed is steeped in melancholy,
A boy and his sadness—face to face,
While the rain cries on his window.
I don’t know ho—
I don’t know how to start.
I don’t know what to.
I don’t want to lose you.
I know I hurt you,
I hate myself so much for it,
But I can’t take it back,
The past is in the past.
I feel like a child,
That broke something important,
I want to sew it together,
But it isn’t fabric,
I want to glue it together,
But it isn’t plastic,
I want to cry for help,
But that doesn’t fix anything,
I want somebody to call,
But stifled gasps are all.
I want to blame somebody else
Or joke about it,
But if I laugh, I’ll surely melt.
No doubt about it.
How do you plug a pipe?
When it’s not losing life?
When it’s drowning in air?
When we’re breathing despair?
A white-hot fire courses through me constantly,
Scalding and scraping my mind and soul.
Oh It Burns,
Through this pain, I carry eggs,
Too many for my hands,
Too little to matter,
They’ve suffered through oblivion’s peck,
And with interest, some of them peek,
At molding lava as it speaks,
Every word callously cradles,
Every sentence cautiously cremates.
And if even one of them adventures,
I’ll lose my best friend.
But if I was standing alone,
A fugitive of the sun,
Betwixt a howling night and a scorching day,
I would tell you this:
Geraldine I miss you,
I miss the illustrious intents of the Ilukwes,
And the marvelous misadventures of your cousins,
I miss you stressing over school, boys and life,
Miss our arguments and conversations.
We used to read each other like open books,
A personal library between the both of us,
I was the Ares to your Athena,
I miss you so much; regular degular.
Geraldine you once asked me why I am your friend,
Why in your company, do I bask and rend?
It’s because of your family, because of your friends,
The way you carry yourself and the time you lend,
You never sport fake smiles or try to pretend,
And never, for any one, do you change or bend,
Your complicated thoughts and words you intend,
The light you bring to those whose time you spend,
You have your hardships too, but you relent,
Just because a rock is sturdy doesn’t mean it cannot dent,
I hope you see you are not a means to an end,
More like a tough mixture to which I blend.
I am your friend because of who you are at present,
And if your countenance in future amends,
Then I will be honored to witness
But make no mistake.
You are my friend because you are my friend.
Nights like this I hate,
Because I swore to fight for us,
And when the serene rain pelts my window,
It feels like I’m fighting alone.